Scales

Matt (referring to Dex's burrito): So how good is it?
Dex: Well what scale am I working with here 1-5, 1-10?
Matt: on a scale from 4 -26. four being the low end, 26 being the top.

Memory

Dex looking at his phone “Looks like my memory is 95% full”

Matt “Well, you shouldn’t make any more memories”

Self-awareness

Hey, are you going to post that thing about the corn? I know it’s a good one, cause I saw the people around staring at me with that look, you know the one that says “Really? Really, you made that joke? Really? No, come-on really? he did that, Really? ah. Really?”

Corny

Hey, I’m going to get some popcorn (pause)

and momma corn too.

Movies

At the Tribecca film festival

Von: That’s Isabella Rosalina, she has a bunch of shorts showing before the film.

Matt: So… are we going to watch her put on her shorts?

Scale

This guy is epic.

Marketing

Matt: I’m famous.

Dex: No your not.

Matt: I have a blog.

Von: Your blog doesn’t get any hits.

Matt: I blame the writers.

Daily Bread

Von: what’s you getting for lunch

Dex: hmm... Sandwich

Von: on a Baguette?

Dex: Not sure

Matt: how bout a Kaiser roll

Dex: Don’t think I’ll get a Kaiser roll

Matt: (ominously) Well, Maybe the Kaiser roll gets you?

Robin's Hood

Matt: If I shaved my beard I'd look like I was 15
Kevin: (sarcastically) You sure would!
Matt: Like the forest?!

Nachos

We were at the bar and they refused serve me nachos. They said they didn't want me to take it to "the next level".

Perception

I’m glad you found that. I’m sick of that lady saying that I’m crazy. I was even thinking of looking for it myself, honestly.

Literature

Happy accident today, I made an inadvertent haiku. Yah, that’s right art just flows from me and what! WHAT!

Attitude

If you didn’t know what you were talking about would you go with the flow or ease back and just kind of observe? Observe. Hmm... Oh... Oh maybe a change of strategy is in order.

Film

I would like to make a documentary about kids chasing pigeons in the park. Why chase the pigeons? What’s their mindset? What would they do with a pigeon if they got one? Would they set it free and chase it all over again? Are the pigeons stressed by the children? I just think it’s an interesting phenomenon that’s happening and could be an intriguing film... You know pigeons and children, could be cool.

Recreation

I like sitting here… outside

You know in the sun. I’m glad were sitting in the sun. Good, right?

I really like it, it’s enjoyable to sit outside in the sun. Good, right?

This was my job, I ran over here to get a table. They picked up the food while I came straight here for a table (big smile to blank faces). We all had jobs. Securing a table was mine. Good, right?

I was pissed at first cause I thought there were six tables but look, it turns out to only be four. I waited over there thinking that nothing was gonna happen but still scouting the area for a lucky break. Some lady got up and I ran and got the table. Good, right?

Cuisine

You know I love potatoes. I can’t get enough of ‘em.

Except the scalloped kind, those I despise.
What? It’s the truth. It is!

And the thing of it is I would think the scalloped potatoes should be very delicious cause that have a great shape. They just look like a big chip. What would you else is better then a potato chip then a bigger potato chip but they just you know don’t live up to my flavor standards.

I just don’t understand this stuff every now and then.

Leisure

Me: What are you doing?

Matt: Sitting here?

Me: You’re standing there!

Matt: I’m sitting with my feet.

Monsters

I said something before about godzilla that I liked

Punny

Henry: So everyone else has hands and I have paws.

Matt: Well where's your play button.
[rimshot]

Decisions

Matt: Not sure if I should go to this rooftop party with my girlfriend tonight or roll to Henry's and watch the game.

Me: It’s beautiful out. You’ll have a girl in your lap, a drink in your hand, the sun in your face. What else is there?

Matt: Henry??

Fandom

Rooting for Yankees Starter Mike ‘Moose’ Mussina

Here we go Moose... Let’s go Mooose... Come on Moose...

Moose… MOOOSE… MOOSSIE MOOSE….

Lets go… Lets it done… Come on there

Moose… MOOOSE… MOOSSIE MOOSE….MOOSE-A-LEANIE

Beverage

I use to think Gatorade was an OK drink but somebody told me that I should really drink it over ice. Let me tell you, for me, there is now no other way to consume Gatorade. I don’t know what it is but the ice makes it really nice.

Family

So, I’m talking to my mom, through the Mac video conference thing.

And you know…

Whenever there is a lull in the conversation, she um…

Hits that graphic feature and all of a sudden she’s a sketch or something.

So, I look at her window and there is like fish floating by and on her head.

So, I’m like “Mom, why do have a fish on your head.”

Mom playfully “Cause I’m underwater.”

i retort dully “Mom, you’re not underwater. I can hear Dad.”

Dad chimes in with “What’s the boy saying about me.”

Mom replies as she turns the camera towards my Dad in the background “He doesn’t believe we’re underwater.”

Dad brashly “I’m watching the race goddamn it.”

Ignorance

Von Jersey: What was that thing you said?
Matt: I dunno... Was it something ignorant?

Diplomacy

Why can the bosses tell me what to do but I can’t tell them what to do?

Information

I don’t know what

I don’t know how

I want to know

I just want to know

Promotions

I don't think I could handle being someone's boss...

I can't picture myself being useless, telling people what to do, being an asshole, drinking coffee, sitting in an office, doing nothing, drinking coffee, being a jerk to everyone, bossing everyone around, drinking coffee, feeling important but not, bossing everyone around, drinking coffee,... being useless, telling people what to do, being an asshole, drinking coffee ....., ......., .......

Travel

Lets travel to the Sun.

Management

I hate being in charge of things

Cause your responsible for stuff

But I guess accountability isn’t a bad thing

Mmm … I guess I like being in charge of things